Chapter 1
“There are two misconceptions in life, which drive our minds while we wither out, slowly moving towards the only certainty in life, death. Forced upon everyone is the first fallacy - have we accomplished enough in life as per the community benchmarks while the second one makes us question ourselves - did we achieve what we thought ourselves worthy of. Both the beliefs are nonsensical. First one pushes the enslaved mind to seek affirmation from others while the second wants validation for wishful thinking of an egotist.” Everyone was left dumbstruck after this monologue from Kabir. No-one wanted to take a whip at this monster of an argument at a house party. Probably, the intricacy of argument gave them a concussion. As silence gets longer in a conversation, it becomes much harder to intercept, eventually leading to an impasse. What eventually saves this moment of abyss, is a change, which is welcomed by everyone. Kabir lights up a cigarette, trying to make up his mind to move.
He was in two states of mind, which is the usual case when he gets restless. The responsive mind decides his actions, taking an external viewpoint and the rational mind runs his thoughts. He was very much aware of these states and tried his best to not let one interfere the other. He decides to leave without having dinner at Omi’s house party. Although he has not eaten much during the day, his spirit was far away from the puny cravings of appetite. Omi notices and shouts from the other end of the room, “Hey! You can’t leave without having dinner.” She was stubborn but not as much as she was smart. Knowing her all too well, Kabir’s natural response would have been to take up a plate and finish up dinner before he left. But his rational mind is stirred today and dominates his responsive actions. Kabir negotiates, “I am full already, need to rush back to my apartment, my flat mate has locked himself out.” Omi understood his lie, but this won’t be a great time to bring that up. She could read his eyes, he wanted to be alone. “Alright. Take care of your flat mate”, she said sarcastically.
Normally he would prefer a ride back home but today he prefers to walk, instead. He recollects the absolute horror of a call he had later this afternoon. His school friend, his first best friend from childhood was no more. He could not believe that Aarav had died so suddenly. He was shocked to the core. He hadn't experienced death of any loved ones. They had met recently at another friend’s marriage function. They would seldom talk on phone but whenever they met, it was as if they were still those inseparable young kids from school. Kabir clearly remembers his first day in his new school when he met Aarav. While he tried to find a place to sit, everybody was welcoming and offered him a seat. But Aarav did not, he just kept looking at him as if trying to remember him from previous life. They did not speak to each other, yet Kabir decided to sit next to him. Aarav said to him smiling, ‘I am not a good company’ to which Kabir sheepishly replied – ‘Don’t worry so am I’. Kabir remembers the innocence of his childhood friend and his heart begins to sink and air gets choked up in his lungs.
He must go see Aarav one last time before his cremation tomorrow. But he still cannot decide, let alone booking the tickets. That’s the fate of modern-day slavery, sold in the name of ‘pursuing the dream’. He has a crucial client meeting tomorrow that could yield the results for which he has been working tirelessly for over three years now. He is incapacitated, but memories keep flooding in, that remind him how he has lost some part of his own life. We start dying much sooner than we realize, as death of our loved ones keeps taking away a slice from our soul. This realization makes him think about all his loved ones. What if he loses everyone, one after another. The thought - how whole of life loses its meaning with one strike from death, frightens him. And in this moment, his rational and responsive minds unite to dump his career and he books the next available flight to bid a final adieu to his friend.
He reaches back home, and finds his flat mate Vicky, sitting in the balcony most likely high on life. He doesn’t bother to speak and rushes to his room and starts packing. Once he is done, Kabir sends an email to his boss, unapologetically informing him about his leave plan due to a family emergency. He then goes to the balcony, informing Vicky about his plans. Vicky despite his ecstasy, understands the matter. Kabir sits down to light a cigarette while booking a cab to airport. Vicky tries to put a perspective, “You see those tiny stars, just imagine the relevance of human race in the history of universe. We are just a tiny whisker in the entire gambit of things.” Kabir retorts irritably, “So what? Comparing human life to astronomical events is not the answer for anything.” Vicky calmly whispers back, “Stop looking for answers.”
As he boards the flight, Kabir tries to gather the strength to face Aarav’s dead body. He can see his childhood in flashes where Aarav’s memories reside. Remembering school days, his thoughts take him back to one of the class periods where Kabir and Aarav were talking incessantly. The teacher could notice after some time, who the culprits were and asked Kabir, “Why are you two talking?” Kabir being the over smart teenager he was, replied “I am trying to speak while I write, so that I can remember”. Given the absurdity of the answer, there was no follow up question. Teacher simply asked Kabir to stand in front of the class. Kabir did so like he had won some award. Seeing his defiance, teacher asked him to raise his hands. Kabir still smiling pulled up only one hand in the air. Now the teacher lost temper and shouted, “Put your both hands up”. Kabir’s reply led the whole class erupt with laughter, “my shirt is torn near the left armpit”. The teacher gave up. After the class was over, Aarav was not happy, and Kabir could not understand why and asked him. Aarav said, “You made a mockery of yourself. Everybody was laughing at you”. Seeing that his friend could not bear his insult, Kabir got to know the meaning of true friendship.
Upon reaching Aarav’s hometown, Kabir was told that the body was already taken to cremation ground. He was crushed by the sadness that he could see in Aarav’s mother’s eyes. He wanted to ask her where the cremation ground is, so that he can see his friend before he turns into ashes. But those eyes did not deserve any questioning. One of the kids, asked Kabir to come with him to the cremation ground. Kabir was worried if he was late and could not reach in time. He asked the kid to run. Both started running and, in a few seconds, tears started rolling down from Kabir’s eyes. He prays to all the Gods he knew, to let him see his friend’s face one last time. The tears poured his heart out and flashes of Aarav’s smile and his honest opinions made Kabir yearn for his friend’s presence. As he reached the cremation ground, Aarav’s father was performing the last rites. Kabir tried but could not move his feet further. He wanted to see his friend’s face, but he dared not. He could feel Aarav’s father’s grief. As much as he wanted to go near and say goodbye to his friend, he could not. He wanted to speak to him and tell him ‘I will always be your best friend’ as Aarav said to him when they parted their ways long back.
Aarav’s father sets up the fire and as the flames go up, Kabir forgets his own identity. His mind is entangled in numerous memories all at once where he and Aarav had the time of their life. He begins to think that he is still a young kid and Aarav has gone missing. He stands unresponsive, thinking how to find his missing friend. His own soul is lost in his friend’s remembrance. He decides to go around and find his friend. But he cannot figure out how to do that. Probably he is under shock, or has he already lost his mind to the realization of one and the only certainty in life.
